Who is this guy who blogged here from 2005-06? He was so insightful, so caring, commanded so much love and affection. I want to meet him, talk to him. Find out he knows that I have forgotten. Find out what exactly he said on those late night im's that meant so much to the people he had them with. Find out why he was reluctant to be in photographs, like he was planning to move on and be forgotten. Find out what inspired his words, the words of someone with potential, potential to lead men.

Who is the person who blogs here now? He is so calloused, bitter, surprisingly so for his age. Why does he not take care with his words. Why does he want to change everything about the person from those years? Why does he consider him inferior? What made him so selfish, so unwilling to acknowledge anyone but himself? Why does he consider the words of the past vain attempts to make oneself seem different, more noticeable? How is it that he reduces everything the former man does to cries for attention?

And why is it that the earlier man had so much trouble searching for acceptance and the new man needs it less? What made the earlier man so depressed that keeps the newer man from feeling so down? Why did the earlier man feel so violently with his emotions that keeps the new man so placated? Why is the latter man so much more confident than the former? Why don't petty opinons and jests affect him as harshly as the former? How is it that the latter can keep everything that happens in perspective while the counterpart took everything out of context. He considers those years wasted, why?

And how is it that the one thing that both men have in common is their inability to farily judge and assess themselves?

So i randomly came back to see if it was still here, sho'nuff it was. Totally forgot what I was back when I was 16 chillin out in Cheektowaga, goin to CHHS (UFSD) and GBCYG. Talkin all night on the IM with Courtney, Sarah, Amanda. Now im here in Fayetteville NC, (wherever that is) In the Airborne, having trouble keepin in touch with everyone back home. Come to find out though that no that much has changed. My music taste for instance, sure some has been added and some has been taken away, but most of it is still there. Alot of my phraseology, mostly inspired by those kids boys from South Park, those concessionary crazies of Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and other venues of pop culture. Come to find out im quite the consistent person. I wonder to myself is it good to be an enternal 16 year old? Then I reflect on the fact that I am definitely a little older, little wiser, little colder, little meaner (blame my NCO's for that) In fact, reading some of these entries it almost seems I was a better person back then, more caring, more encouraging, less self-centered. Then again Its hard for me to say, as my boy Fuller says "whos to say whats not to say?" Ive discovered that about myself, I rely on others to tell me about myself, if someone told me to describe myself Iwouldnt know what to do. I'd probably end up given myself a really underappreciated review that i dont really deserve because im not the type to hype myself. But hey generally speaking you can never rely on people to give you an honest assesement of yourself, so thats that

as the Murphy says LATER